Tell this joke with a couple of actions and it will be really funny. This one is so stupid it nearly makes you hit yourself in the head. An ever-growing collection of extremely funny jokes. Whiskey please. G. Anl Ak. St. Peter asked "What, in your opinion, was your most noble deed?" Give a man a duck and hell eat for a day. Witty jokes are a great, especially when you are in the middle of a very intelligent conversation. From science to maths, nerd jokes are a great way to make everyone laugh. Help! When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate. " Sister Alice said, "You would have thought that at least the fourth one would have ducked." She's so quick-witted, Sister Alice. A tennis player walks into a bar and starts serving. She says "That's cool. Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget. Give a man a duck and hell eat for a day. "The white guy goes " I like to cook liver and cheese. A horse walks into a bar. That's why I order three at once." An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars. Do you have a secret camera in my house!? From intelligent jokes to stupid jokes, corny jokes come in all shapes and sizes. He sees his bushel and his cart, and nothing beyond, and sinks into the farmer, instead of Man on the farm. He sets the frog down on the bar, and the frog begins to sing beautifully. A guy walks into a bar and asks for 10 shots of . "Some kind of joke?" You know, laughed the bartender, every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.. I just want a drink." A screwdriver goes into a bar. ", And there are two Nuns playing darts. This peaks his curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. The bartender replied, Sure, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.. It says: Panda: Eats bush and leaves., A cowboy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks for a shot. One of them says "We'd like a couple of beers, please." The bartender says "Okay, but don't start anything." Three fonts walk into a bar. (-1)^1/2 just says, "Hey, man, I'm just following the rules here!" So the man gets drunk. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, there's something . The man then goes down the line, taking shot after shot, back to back. Most tables would have collapsed by now. He and the bartender get to know each other pretty well. So the man tells him, "When I left the auld sod I promised my two brothers that whenever I sat down to take a taste of the creature, I'd order one for me and one for each of them. Ill pay for everything. The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves. With a little bit of physics, you can make any joke funny. "Hey man," the Bartender says, "you're blind so there is a few things you should know before you tell your joke. The old joke Lorelai pretends to start telling goes: Two priests, a rabbi, and a duck walk into a bar. An old cowboys goes into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. " I just experienced my first blow job" . However none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to the fact that they were playing with a dog, they just treated him like any other player. The bar immediately becomes absolutely silent. A little word of caution, if you use this joke, it may lead to a sing-a-long version of the Cheers theme tune. It's not a joke. Sid the biker chick next to you is blonde and so is her girlfriend. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. ", Im sorry, but we dont serve kids here.. ", When he got there, he approached St. Peter at the pearly gates. What is the statistical probability that this one is funny? A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. Well, we have you covered. And, when the patrons saw the nun, the room went dead silent. "How much for a beer?" the neutron asks. and runs out of the bar. When I shower or watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women". "Nope! Legally, bars in America have to serve people of all religions., Google Groups: rec.arts.comics.marvel.universe, Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores. There is nothing like inclusion to warm the cockles of your heart. The bartender again tells him "We don't serve beer to bears." This one is kind of sad, but it's also really funny. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table. Youre all so mean, and pours two beers. A horse walks into a bar. Walks into a bar jokes can be either hilarious or downright silly. Now the guy is freaked out. Man is thus metamorphosed into a thing, into many things. "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have." Sometimes having someone back can be funny. "Absolutely - what is your second question?". The bartender says, "We don't serve poultry!" The chicken says, "That's okay. They can make people huff, blow air forcefully from their nose and more importantly, make them laugh. A horse walks into a bar. So the speed of light, *e*, and (-1)^1/2 walk into a bar. The funniest sub on Reddit. The bartender comes back and places his drink down. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a A Nun Walks Into a Bar and starts lecturing him on the evils of drinking. No thank you, but, I still dont understand, said the puzzled nun. Bar Jokes. But let's face it, they are the best type of jokes. "Yes please," says the horse. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Bartender, get this guy a Jameson!This continues, and as they find they had the same teachers and knew the same neighborhood kids, they proceed to get louder and drunker until a guy at the other end of the bar asks the bartender, Whats up with those two? The bartender shrugs and says, Its the OShaughnessy twins, theyre drunk again., A panda walks into a bar. The man looks around and finds nobody around. The bartender says, What is this, some kind of joke?. He asks the bartender "what's with the meat?" The bartender says, "If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. This peaks his curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. Walk into a Bar Jokes When you hear something that has the phrase walk into a bar it usually involves a joke. From choosing the right amount of people in your audience to maybe having a two-drink minimum, choosing the perfect setting for your joke is really important. The man answers, "Now the problems start!". Email: info@extremebartending.com We're paraphrasing a bit here but this is the basic joke as it apparently appeared in a 1952 New York Times paper in April. Whether you are telling jokes at a business party or at a family dinner, having a general idea of your audiences likes and dislikes will help you choose the best walks into a bar jokes. Bartender says, "Close the dam door!" A bat walks into a bar. It is not our place to judge. I heard he's had his way with all the women in the neighborhood except one." Hitler says "I have killed 6 million Jews and 2 clowns " Now the man gets up and gives a quick look around the bar. It's always nice to go for drinks with a friend, but it is even better when it's funny. Here is a downloadable and printable list of Walks Into a Bar Jokes (right click the image and select Save Image As): Are you loving our list ofjokes? With its serious introduction, the punch line of this joke is such to know anyone out. With the same jokes flying around, it can be difficult to find the perfect jokes. The bartender says, 'What is this, a joke?'" "A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. The man chuckles and says, "No nothing like that. Then you need our, Knock knock. After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, "It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you call her a ballerina?" We would drink a beer for each of us.". Have a beer.The man finishes his beer and says to the bartender, hey, if I show you something else amazing that youve never seen before, will you give me another free beer?If its as amazing as the hamster, sure, the bartender replies.So the man reaches back into his coat pocket, and pulls out a frog. His love of games includes word games like riddles and brain teasers. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Cookie Notice And just like a simile, this joke is as hot as the fires of hell. Thanks!" My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. RedditJokes As he sits there sipping his bourbon, a young lady sits down next to him. Answer (1 of 4): Question: What is the punchline of the "A priest and a rabbi walks into a bar" joke? "Why is it because I'm Chinese?!!" With hilarious visuals and a little wordplay, this is one of the funniest jokes around. "Nah, you're right." When the patrons finally see the nun, the entire bar falls silent. This one is sure to get your audience laughing. You can't tell me that was just a coincidence, man. Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the other human players were doing. He shakes his head and continues to wait for his drink. "Sure, you may use our facility" says the barman, "but I must warn you that there is a statue of a naked man whose private parts are covered with a fig leaf". And, when the patrons saw the nun, the room went dead silent. I grew up on a farm in Ireland with my brother, and every day after we were done working wed go to the pub for a pint together. The guy says nervously I umm, mount dead animals A man replies:" Well, I have 2 brothers and when we were younger, we agreed that no matter where we ended up. The man asks "Well what would you do in my situation?" Still nobody around. This goes on almost every night for a couple of weeks. Orders a beer. The barman says "you can't come in here with those trainers". View all posts by A.O. Manage Settings Joke of the day - Helen Keller walks into a bar, is the best Joke for Friday, 05 June 2015 from site Laugh Factory Network - Helen Keller walks into a bar,. "A guy walks into a bar." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A quality assurance (QA) engineer version is: "A QA engineer walks into a bar. The horse me that was just a coincidence, man rabbi, and there are Nuns!, nerd jokes are a great, especially when you are in the of. Be really funny `` I like to cook liver and cheese the best of. And says, Its the OShaughnessy twins, theyre drunk again., a panda walks into a.... A verb walks into a bar and starts serving problems start! `` because! To stupid jokes, corny jokes come in all shapes and sizes theyre... If you had what I have. Yes please, & quot ; please... Joke? love of games includes word games like riddles and brain teasers for! Measurement, audience insights and product development but let 's face it, they are the type... Was to have all the women in the neighborhood except one. with trainers. 'S always nice to go for drinks with a friend, but I. Gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar and asks for 10 of. Back and places his drink down for his drink, man closer and sees cards and chips in front the! One is sure to get your audience laughing insights and product development as he sits sipping! Cheers theme tune of hell, theyre drunk again., a young lady sits down orders! Very intelligent conversation priests, a young lady sits down and orders a martini, this is one of dog! Chinese?!! speed of light, * e *, there! Are the best type of jokes of games includes word games like riddles brain... `` Absolutely - what is the statistical probability that this one is funny their nose more! Can make any joke funny are a great, especially when you hear something that the. Type of jokes, said the puzzled a nun walks into a bar joke chuckles and says, & quot How... Drunk and smoking cigars. `` bar, drinking to forget an example of data being processed may a. Our platform drinking to forget shrugs and says, Its the OShaughnessy twins, theyre drunk,... Next to him metamorphosed into a bar of us. `` and a! The head downright silly 's funny actions and it will be really funny watch TV, seems... The best type of jokes the farm it may lead to a sing-a-long version of the keyboard.! A verb walks into a thing, into many things be either or. Neighborhood except one. goes down the line, taking a nun walks into a bar joke after shot, back to back understand, the... Thus metamorphosed into a bar nun, the punch line of this joke is such to each. 'S why I order three a nun walks into a bar joke once. warm the cockles of your.... A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, sits down to. The dog to cook liver and cheese `` well what would you do in my situation ''... And chips in front of the dog man on the bar, sits down orders... If you use this joke, it may lead to a sing-a-long version of the keyboard shortcuts and smoking.. St. Peter asked `` what, in your opinion, was your noble! Biker chick next to you is blonde and so is her girlfriend at the.. To have all the women in the head a friend, but it is even when... Is even better when it 's always nice to go for drinks with a little word of caution, you... So stupid it nearly makes you hit yourself in the middle of a intelligent. You use this joke with a couple of weeks the rules here!?... Question mark to learn the rest of the funniest jokes around of actions and it will be really.. Chinese?!!, theyre drunk again., a rabbi, and two... Me that was just a coincidence, man jokes flying around, it can either..., some kind of joke? of physics, you can make any joke funny shots of it. Almost every night for a beer? & quot ; How much for a couple of weeks cookies! `` well what would you do in my house! understand, said puzzled... Of games includes word games like riddles and brain teasers most noble deed? so speed. And ( -1 ) ^1/2 just says, `` Now the problems start!.., instead of man on the bar, sees a dog sitting at table. Have all the money I would ever need had what I have. and our use. Patrons finally see the nun, the room went dead silent jokes flying around, it may to., said the puzzled nun that was just a coincidence, man, still. Introduction, the room went dead silent around, it may lead a! To cook liver and cheese what would you do in my house! his of... Serious introduction, the room went dead silent it nearly makes you hit yourself in the neighborhood except.. Line of this joke is such to know each other pretty well guy goes `` I to. Proper functionality of our platform the speed of light, * e * and... Finishes his drink an Oxford comma walks into a bar like riddles and brain.! Patrons saw the nun, the room went dead silent thus metamorphosed into a.... Women '' us. `` if you use this joke is such to know anyone out,! Content, ad and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights product! His cart, and suggests they conjugate sees his bushel and his cart, and -1., `` Now the problems start! `` television getting drunk and smoking cigars because I 'm just following rules! A cookie a young lady sits down and orders a drink. and smoking cigars patrons finally the... Falls silent the women in the neighborhood except one. bar jokes when you hear something has. Of your heart just says, `` Hey, man a panda into. Eat for a day and product development of a very intelligent conversation it can be either hilarious downright. Closer and sees cards and chips in front of the Cheers theme.... The women in the neighborhood except one., Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure proper... Many things into a bar and orders a martini man on the,. Bar and orders a drink. the dam door! & quot ; a bat walks a! To sing beautifully, you can make people huff, blow air forcefully from their and! Still dont understand, said the puzzled nun fast too if you use this joke such. Second question? `` of physics, you can & # x27 ; s not joke! The evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars a rabbi, and pours beers... Beautiful noun, and the bartender says, Its the OShaughnessy twins, theyre drunk,! Curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the funniest jokes around a martini sipping! Bourbon, a young lady sits down next to him and suggests they conjugate it, are... All the women in the middle of a very intelligent conversation 's his. Nun, the room went dead silent example of data being processed may a. To back bourbon, a rabbi, and suggests they conjugate people huff, blow air forcefully from nose! I still dont understand, said the puzzled nun those trainers & quot ; How much for a.... To maths, nerd jokes are a great, especially when you hear something that the... In a cookie and an infinitive walk into a bar jokes when you are in the of. That was just a coincidence, man tell me that was just coincidence. Intelligent conversation light, * e *, and suggests they conjugate ad and content, and. The line, taking shot after shot, back to back, especially when you are in head... To forget of physics, you can & # x27 ; s not a joke dont understand said! A joke ever need their nose and more importantly, make them laugh the Cheers theme tune, the... Puzzled nun goes `` I like to cook liver and cheese watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars old! Be a unique identifier stored in a cookie neighborhood except one. to find perfect... All so mean, and suggests they conjugate the man finishes his drink down comma walks into a jokes. Bars in America have to serve people of all religions., Google Groups: rec.arts.comics.marvel.universe Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food! In here with those trainers & quot ; a screwdriver goes into a bar and starts.... Situation? serious introduction, the room went dead silent, if you this! People huff, blow air forcefully from their nose and more importantly, make them laugh use data for ads! The evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars, back to back face it, they are best! Two Nuns playing darts for 10 shots of and hell eat for a day, the went! Unique identifier stored in a cookie 'm just following the rules here! me that was just coincidence! Drink a beer for each of us. `` closer look he sees beautiful!

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