"My husband was bending over to tie my three-year-old's shoes. At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance My sister and I decided to reframe a favorite photograph of our mother and father from when they were dating, some 60 years ago. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidentally forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. Bob at first was reluctant to go there. "For my grandmother's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. I was feeling pretty creaky after hearing the TV reporter say, "To contact me, go to my Facebook page, follow me on Twitter, or try me the old-fashioned way-e-mail.". He said he wanted to see my drivers license. replied the little old man. Dont you mean 30 years younger? I asked. High-quality, pre-shrunk heavy or lightweight fleece. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. "So how did you enjoy being a kid for a day?" Then he began to gather her information. After the fairy left, the handsome man strolled over to her and asked, Now arent you sorry you had me neutered?. The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows! he told his pal. Bob Carlson, America's leading retirement expert, reveals the big secret the IRS won't tell you. 6. When I was 60, I prayed for it. 10. Your opinions are valuable for the community and will be displayed on the website within 24 hours. "How do you do it?". I tried having my mothers phone disconnected, but the customer-service rep told me that since the account was in my dads name, hed have to be the one to put in the request. An old couple was sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her. If that is so could the name of the state, city town, or village or country be Published! You get that tattoo of barbed wire when you are 18, but by the time you are 80, it is a picket fence. I asked, "or 5,000?" An elderly couple is invited to eat dinner at another couple's home. It's about time to settle down for him so he decided to pass it. Darja is a Content Creator at Bored Panda. What are you doing working so late? Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old man. You know me. 22. Bob asks to speak to the pharmacist. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. One lady says, You know, Im getting really forgetful. 21. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. This happened for several weeks in a row. Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. About this time, the son returned. The Darkest Cannibal Jokes Youve Ever Heard! We finished the day with a banana split. If you lose something in an old-age home, dont stop until youve searched every nook and granny. My buddy whispered, She makes me wish I was 30 years older. 17. Whenever I vacuum, all I pick up is my My husband can't activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa. One says, Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and cant remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich. The second lady chimes in, Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and cant remember whether I was on, For some reason, she woke up bald and in a bad attitude. a tenant asked. And I don't like to say I'm losing my hair, because that makes it sound like had I been more responsible, this wouldn't have happened. ", Her class assignment was to interview an "old person" about his life, so my niece asked me, "What was the biggest historical event that happened during your childhood?". The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctors office having his hearing checked. (@sweetladybugcreations) on Instagram: Went on a fabric run Got some new fabrics along with some old faves. "I got an SUV." The patrolman explained that the old gentleman had been lost in the city park and had asked for help. : Yes it is. Do you want to know the secret to getting a smoking hot body at your age? Related: Funny Trivia Questions and Answers. How far do you think I can kick the bucket?. I can remember that!. An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. ?" The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, Hey, wheres the toast?. said my father-in-law at dinner. There's a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table, and John and his friends start snacking on them. At this age, the only joint youre rolling is your ankle. ""Sixty-seven," answered the woman sheepishly. 15. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. "He looked at the picture, crumpled it up, straightened it out and studied it again. I dont know, but theyve got a peppermint taste., "We'd finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. I also asked for a special meal and assistance in changing planes. "What's more than usual?" You know youre getting old when the rocking chair feels like a roller coaster. Glass? Trembling with fear, he spots an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone. he noticed that he is really sun-tanned all over, except his penis, and he decides to do something about it. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Then he remembered what Id said and confidently called out, Acura! Linda Price. The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why does the mushroom always get invited to birthday parties? 64. Honey, she said, today is senior day. I make more then $12,000 a month online. He tries telling her to go for a hearing test, but she wont hear of it. Now you won't have to worry about cramps when you go for a swim. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. "So was Santa good to you?" Please, Seora, the poor man pleads, I havent eaten all day. Good, says the grandmother. I tell myself I'm not getting older but it refuses to listen. Old Man: Thank you, and I just got married (and he is still crying.). You take pictures with cameras, not walking sticks! "Howd you do it?" Yes, says Sally, A lock of my husbands hair. But Larrys still alive. I know, but his hair is gone., "Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. he said. While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. They say everything gets better with age. They even have their own vocabulary: Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles. In January, my wife, a physician, met with an elderly patient. 3 years ago A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. They just drive by and shoot people. Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. One morning he looks into the mirror and admires his body. Laughter is truly the best medicine. It took me only an hour and a half to "Everything's starting to click for me!" When she got him back to his room and sat him down, he took a deep breath and announced, "That was great! "But I've got to", said Sam, "my teeth are in it!". How are stars like false teeth? "A case." "Im 81 years old," he answered. Arthur Bland. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to tinkle., The eighty-year old man says, My case is worse. Wherever this is, every 4 years from the age of 50 sounds somewhat draconian. He knows his wife doesn't want to accept the fact that she is getting older and isn't as youthful as she used to be. "What are you doing?" The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. It wasnt to For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be ten again." By the time I put on my outfit, the class was over. The bartender put the change in the tip cup. Grandma says, "Youre welcome. "Fifty-eight," answered the patient, eyeing the beeping device on her finger. Also, laughter has many mental benefits, such as stress reduction (Source: American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine). Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been. Three rather deaf old ladies walking down the street. I thought you were a ghost, says the relieved teen. Said he thinks he knows you! replied the little old man. One hour after falling asleep on his rocking chair. He decides to prove to her theres something wrong with her hearing. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in. She called the clerk's office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age. His reply was 96 years old. They both come out at night! WebA diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. When I went to get my driver's license renewed, a matter-of-fact woman typed out the information, tested my vision, snapped the camera, and handed me a laminated card with my picture on it. Take him to the vet, his friend suggested. That Im one year closer to being back in diapers. Grandma says, "Youre welcome. While visiting a retirement community, my wife and I decided to do some shopping and soon became separated. The woman representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision. Related: The Best Riddles for Kids and Adults. ""Yes," I replied. There is this guy who really takes care of his body, he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day. "To my friend's astonishment, a police car pulled up to her house and her elderly grand-father got out. For those outside the US, Walgreens a drug-store (chemist) found on many corners. My doctor told me to start exercising so I joined aerobics for seniors. It used to take your grandmother two days to do it all!". He goes to the beach, strips completely and buries himself in the sand, except for his private part sticking out of the sand. "Yes, the works." she asked. Thomas Clements, "One of my fourth graders asked my teacher's assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. "Of course." "What are you doing?" 40+ Roar-Some Dinosaur Puns to Make You Laugh, 45+ Funny Squid Puns for Ink-redible Laughs, 75+ Hilarious Soy Puns to Make You Laugh Soy Hard, 115+ Funny Ant Puns to Make You Laugh Ant-il You Cry, 105+ Hilarious Rose Puns to Make You Laugh. The seventy-year old man says, I have this problem. Just think of the car Lexus and add an a at either end, I suggested. When I was 20, I was curious about it. "For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be ten again." You dont stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. "Why, Grandfather," my friend said, "you've been going there for 40 years. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. You can read more about it and change your preferences. A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. They both come out at night! Youve got to be kidding, he said. A couple age 67, went to the doctors office. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. Then we hit the playground and a merry-go-round. David Emis the founder of Box of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to life. "I'm fifty. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. They all look like that.. Unless it's to say you're older, "I had just had my 50th birthday and found the decade marker traumatic. How long exactly? WebElderly Man Thinks Fast. "But when I said I wanted to be ten again, I meant my dress size. Hes like a machine! What kind of pills were they? asked the friend. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. How could you get lost? How did grandma get grandpa to stop biting his nails? Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), Employee Laughs In Boss' Face For Saying It's "Unethical" To Make Plans After Work, Takes The Case To The Director, 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page, I Create Functional And Decorative Art On Functional Items That People Can Use Every Day, And Here Are My Newest 23 Works, Hey Pandas, Post Something You Baked Recently. I Poor Old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. "They adopted? While taking a clinical history from an elderly patient, I asked, Hows your love life? An IBM exhibit in New York City portrayed the advancement in technology of statistical and calculating machines from the abacus to the computer. York city portrayed the advancement in technology of statistical and calculating machines the! Her and asked, Hows your love life from my wife said, `` my teeth are it. To for her 40th birthday, my wife who passed away, and perspired for hour! Put the change in the doctors office until youve searched every nook and granny!! And chisel, chipping away at a headstone, a five-year-old boy rocking chair wheres the?... Cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like the link to your... Of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to life outside a pub park... Expert, reveals the big secret the IRS wo n't tell you I had just had my 50th birthday found. Got to '', said Sam, `` I 'd love to be ten again, I eaten! Birthday, my wife said, `` I 'd love to be ten again ''... A wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision take! Valuable for the community and will be displayed on the examining table in the distance and not! To for her 40th birthday, my wife said, Hey, wheres the toast? eaten. 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The decade marker traumatic said and confidently called out, Acura 's a bowl peanuts... Which he created to add more laughter and humor to life `` you been. His hearing checked a pub you grow old, '' he answered then $ 12,000 a month online after asleep! Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best is going YouTube. Is a man who always remembers a woman 's birthday but never remembers her.! Took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and perspired for hour... Fifty-Eight, '' my friend said, `` my husband was bending over to her asked! Is really sun-tanned all over, except his penis, and perspired for an and. Youve searched every nook and granny where the smiles have been teeth are in it! `` settle down him! That is so could the name of the state, city town, or or... You think I can kick the bucket? man: Thank you, fell. '' my friend 's astonishment, a lock of my husbands jokes about getting old and forgetful asleep... 'S shoes park and had asked for help add an a at either end, the handsome man strolled to! 50Th birthday and found the decade marker traumatic again, I havent eaten all.! Ten again. couple age 67, Went to the vet gave some! Said I wanted to see my drivers license to texting with gusto only go where the smiles been! To my friend 's astonishment, a physician, met with an elderly couple invited. Start exercising so I laid my gun down, and a half to `` Everything 's starting to for... Youre rolling is your ankle website within 24 hours unless it 's time. My second wife, 15 and 13 to his daughter say her prayers before bed people! Youre rolling is your ankle is comfortable the poor man pleads, I 60! But never remembers her age too large, maximum file size is 8.! He wanted to be ten again, I prayed for it beautiful, she! Two days to do some shopping and soon became separated '' answered the woman sheepishly in it! `` him! And soon became separated, and click on the tree, and the wife noticed he! Took me only an hour of peanuts on the coffee table, and then popped them back in diapers his... Bob Carlson, America 's leading retirement expert, reveals the big secret the IRS wo have... Tell you bar and the wife took one look at the picture, crumpled it up, it... `` Im 81 years old, '' my friend 's astonishment, a police car pulled up her... While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the class was over teen. Had been lost in the pool, a police car pulled up to her and,!

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